The same brain that struggled in a world built for everyone else… is often the one that ends up changing it.
Have you been told you are too much, too distracted, too difficult to manage? Behind those labels is a brain that was always capable of extraordinary things.
ADHD was never your kryptonite. It was always your superpower. The only thing standing between where you are now and what you are actually capable of… is the story you keep telling yourself about your own brain.
And that story? It can change.
Watch the full conversation with ADHD coach Sue Day on Conversations That Heal here 👉 They Told You ADHD Was a Problem… They Were Wrong
If this is the kind of content that makes you stop and think, you will love my YouTube channel. Subscribe here for more 👉 HERE
By the time most people with ADHD reach adulthood, they have heard one version of the same message tens of thousands of times.
You are too much. You are not enough. You could do it if you really wanted to. You are smart, so why can’t you just…
Sue Day, ADHD coach and author of *The ADHD Brilliance*, shared a statistic in our recent conversation that stopped me cold.
By the time a child with ADHD turns 7, they have heard on average 20,000 more negative things about themselves than their peers without ADHD.
Twenty thousand.
And it does not stop at 7.
It follows them through school. Through workplaces. Through relationships. Through every system that was designed for a brain that works differently than theirs.
Is it any wonder so many people with ADHD reach midlife carrying an invisible weight of shame, self-doubt, and exhaustion that has nothing to do with their actual ability… and everything to do with being told, over and over again, that the way their brain works is the problem?
It Is Not a Deficiency. It Is a Difference.
ADHD is a disability in our current culture. But it is not a deficiency. There is a meaningful difference between those two things.
A disability means the environment was not built for you. A deficiency means something is fundamentally wrong with you.
One of those things is true. The other is not.
ADHD is 88% heritable… more heritable than hair color. It affects up to 10% of the population. It runs through families, shows up across genders, and appears in every walk of life. Albert Einstein, Richard Branson, Phil Knight, the founder of Nike… all believed to have had ADHD.
This is not the profile of a broken brain.
This is the profile of a brain that was never given the right environment to do what it is actually capable of.
What Happens When You Spend Years Forcing Your Brain Into the Wrong Shape
ADHD brains can do almost anything. But doing things that go against how the brain naturally works… forcing yourself into rigid systems, schedules, and structures that feel like wearing shoes on the wrong feet… creates a very specific kind of exhaustion.
Not laziness. Exhaustion.
Sue burned out completely after ten years in nonprofit leadership. She ended up sick, running a high temperature nearly every day for almost two years. Her body was telling her in the only language it had left what her brain had been trying to say for years.
This is not working. Something has to change.
That is not a failure story. That is what happens when a capable, driven person spends years trying to fit a square peg into a round hole… and keeps blaming the peg.
The ADHD brain does not need to be fixed. It needs to be understood. And then it needs an environment that actually works for it instead of constantly working against it.
The Body Keeps Score Too
One of the things that surprised me most in our conversation was how much ADHD shows up in the body, not just the brain.
Research is finding significant overlap between ADHD and several physical conditions, including:
- Fibromyalgia, with studies suggesting up to 80% of people with fibromyalgia also have ADHD.
- Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, a hypermobility condition, with similarly high overlap.
- POTS, a heart condition that affects blood pressure when standing.
- Mast Cell Activation Syndrome, where the body develops unpredictable sensitivities and reactions.
This is not a coincidence.
This is the body and the brain communicating the same thing through different channels.
ADHD is not just a neurological difference. It is a whole body difference. And when it goes unrecognized or is met with decades of shame and pressure, the body eventually joins the conversation in ways that are hard to ignore.
If you have been navigating unexplained physical symptoms alongside a brain that has always worked differently, this connection is worth paying attention to.
The Saddest Part of the ADHD Story
Sue said something during our conversation that I want to share exactly as she said it.
“We are famous for having imposter syndrome. ADHD-ers are so good at questioning ourselves.”
And the reason makes complete sense when you understand what has been happening underneath the surface.
When you have spent your whole life being told that you could do something but you just won’t… that you are choosing to be difficult, choosing to underperform, choosing to cause problems… you start to believe it.
You become your own harshest critic.
You hit it out of the park on Monday and cannot pick up the ball at all on Wednesday. And instead of understanding that this is simply how an ADHD brain works, you tell yourself you are inconsistent, unreliable, broken.
You are none of those things.
You are someone whose brain runs a different operating system in a world that was designed for a different one.
What the Strengths-Based Approach Actually Looks Like
Sue works with her clients on what she calls strengths-based work, and it is the opposite of what most people with ADHD have been offered.
Instead of focusing on what is not working and trying harder to fix it, she asks a completely different set of questions.
Where does your brain feel at home?
What does it do easily and naturally, without enormous effort?
How do we build a life around those things instead of constantly fighting against them?
This is not about lowering expectations. It is about being honest that forcing your brain to do things in ways that do not match how it is wired will always cost more than it should. And over time, that cost adds up.
The practical starting points Sue shared are simple, but not easy for someone who has spent years in self-criticism mode.
Start with gratitude for yourself, not just for others.
Every day, identify three things you did, said, or contributed that you can acknowledge without immediately adding a “but.”
Not “I did this, but it wasn’t enough.”
Just… I did this. It feels small. It rewires the brain over time. Slowly and genuinely.
Stop trying to fit your brain into a life you were told you should have.
Does a 9-to-5 structure actually work for your brain?
Does the system you have been using match how you naturally process and move through the world?
If not, the answer is not to push harder. The answer is to find a different way.
Ask for help without making it mean something about your worth.
Asking for help is not weakness. As Sue pointed out, it is actually a gift to the person you are asking. It creates connection. It builds community. It gives someone else the chance to show up for you in a meaningful way.
The Story Your Brain Is Telling Is Not the Truth. But It Is Not the Enemy Either.
The last thing Sue said is the piece I most want you to carry with you.
Your brain is not telling you those hard, critical, shame-filled stories to hurt you.
It is telling them because it learned somewhere along the way that this is how to keep you safe. It learned that if it kept you small, kept you self-critical, kept you braced for the next round of criticism or disappointment… maybe it could soften the blow when it came.
That is not broken thinking. That is protective thinking.
Sue’s son calls his brain Brian. When the inner critic gets loud, he says, “Brian was just trying to protect me.”
That small act of separation, talking about the brain as if it is a different voice, something outside of yourself, helps the brain actually hear it differently.
For reasons neuroscience is still uncovering, we respond to that kind of gentle reframe more readily than we respond to telling ourselves we should just stop being so negative.
So instead of shaming yourself for the story, try saying:
Thanks for trying to protect me. That story worked for a while. I am ready to try a different one now.
Because the protection your brain learned for a child being told they were too much, too difficult, too everything… does not need to keep running the show for the adult you are today.
You are allowed to write a new story.
And that brain of yours, the one that was always labeled as the problem?
It was never the problem.
It was always the strength.
To hear the full conversation with Sue Day, including her take on how food and blood sugar impact the ADHD brain, why so many successful entrepreneurs have ADHD, and how to start doing the strengths work for yourself, watch the full episode of Conversations That Heal here 👉 They Told You ADHD Was a Problem… They Were Wrong
Sue’s book, The ADHD Brilliance, is available through your local bookstore, Barnes & Noble, Bookshop.com, and Amazon.
You can connect with Sue and learn more about her coaching at pathwaysforwardcoaching.com
I’m Tracey Male. I’ve been where you are… years of living in survival mode without even realizing that’s what it was. Exhausted, foggy, gaining weight, waking at 2:30 AM, and being told my labs were “in range.” Trying to figure out why my body stopped working the way it used to, and not getting real answers anywhere.
Now I spend my time having honest conversations with coaches, practitioners, and experts who help people heal naturally. Including the kind of conversation that inspired this article.
Real talk. Real answers. No fluff.
Subscribe to my YouTube channel so you never miss a conversation 👉 HERE
